Alright, very important. Well in other words probably not that important. But I just want to get this done and out of the way!
Alright... umm... I HATE LEWIE!
Yay! I said it. But it sucks because I don't know if I do. THIS SUCKS! I HATE HIM! I WAN'T TO HATE HIM! YET I CAN'T HATE HIM! *Cries* This is not fair. I want to hate him. I want to get over him. I don't WANT to like him.
And this sucks because I don't know who I like. Whether I actually do still like him or... ah, you're not gonna find out who.
But it's so confuzing! *Sniffs* I feel like I hate him, and I want to hate him, I loathe Lewie, but it's so annoying because I can keep thinking that and keep telling me that but then there's always the part of me telling myself to shut up and stop trying to deceive myself.
Me telling myself to stop deceiving myself! About which part? That I hate him? Hah!
I've been deceiving myself for too long. He's not that perfect. He's not an Angel. He has blasted flaws. And I HATE him.
So what am I deceiving myself on? Ugh! I still feel for him! GAH! THIS IS NOT FAIR! I WAN'T TO FORGET HIM! I WANT HIM OUT OF MY LIFE! I WISH I HAD NEVER MET HIM!
My heart feels like it's twisted into a tight knot. I don't know who I like, I don't know who I hate, my bloody will is just, well terrible! And I don't even know which part of me can't let him go and which part of me is saying 'I hate him'. Well that's plain. My mind is saying I hate him. And I can only say that if my heart agrees. So which bloody part is telling me otherwise!
And actually, you know what. I feel like I sound like Kirsty.
So OK, I know who I like, like really like. I know who makes me just generally happy and *sighs*... But then there's him who's had me seduced for the last two years! And I hate him! I hate that I've wasted my life on him for 2 years. I hate it! Yet at the same time I can't imagine life without him. Ugh, hate him! I hate him so much! I don't see what's so great about him!
Stupid blue eyes.
Ugh, what is it always with me and blue eyes!
I hate him yet I don't know whether I hate him!
And now that I've started I can't bloody stop!
But I hate to.
But the worst thing is...
It's not that I hate him.
And it's not that at the same time I still don't know whether I hate him truly or not.
It's not the fact that I like someone else so much.
Or the fact that my heart's tied into a knot.
The worst part is that...
I'm scared.
I don't know if anyone I like would ever like me.
I don't know why anybody would ever like me.
I don't think anybody would ever like me.
I'm scared.
So scared that I'd be turned down.
So scared that I'd get made fun of.
So scared of history repeating itself.
My whole history.
So scared.
So scared that I'm destined to be alone.
That no one will ever like me.
So scared.
So scared of being alone in darkness forever.
Scared of drowning in a pool of my own dispare.
Scared of the dark waters.
Scared of the endless sky.
Scared of the empty earth.
Scared of myself.
Scared of the emptiness,
The Loneliness.
Scared.
Alone.
Lost in the darkness.
Forever.
Jenny, calm down. You're what? 14 and this is your first crush. Guys are gonna like you, but you need to like yourself first and just relax on the boy part for a bit you know guys love girls who love themselves, right. The best thing is to get over him, he just liked you as a friend and freaked out over something more. It happens to everyone at some point, and you're not ready for love or any of that now. You see me and Erin happy don't you? we don't think about guys. Just try to not think about him for a bit, okay? you don't need to hate him, you just need to stop caring and in ten years time you're gonna laugh at this being a stupid schoolgirl crush when you're with a real guy that loves you. okay? <3
ReplyDeleteLol. Well you know what's funny? I'm laughing at it right now! LOL Like seriously laughing so hard that my head hurts. I think all of what I'd written just sounds stupid. Well most of it. Still, laughing! LOL
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, and thanks for that as well.
ReplyDeleteStill laughing! LOL
oh my fucking god Jenny you are such a fucking cliche. I love you for that though.
ReplyDeleteLol. How am I a cliche? Lol. And please stop swearing I despise swears.
ReplyDeleteIt's a quote from a movie :3
ReplyDeleteaaand, Jenny I am too tired to explain it now, and don't depise the swears, it makes them sad ;_;
Right...
ReplyDeleteWell you could explain it when you're not too tired to explain it. Like now.
And I don't depise swears, I despise them ;P.
you don't despise them you just despise them? what?
ReplyDeleteLol. Check you spelling Emily.
ReplyDeleteJenny, I think yuou said it first. READ IT AGAIN.
ReplyDeleteNope. Read this.
ReplyDeleteEMILY said...
It's a quote from a movie :3
aaand, Jenny I am too tired to explain it now, and don't depise the swears, it makes them sad ;_;
Jenny =] said...
Right...
Well you could explain it when you're not too tired to explain it. Like now.
And I don't depise swears, I despise them ;P.
EMILY said...
you don't despise them you just despise them? what?
So haha! I win! ;P
YOU SAID FIRST:
ReplyDelete"stop swearing I despise swears." so there,I win.
I can't even remember what I was explaining now!
NOOOOO! I said I despise swears. You made a spelling mistake and wrote 'depise'. Honestly I hate having to explain something that should have made sense. I told you to check your spelling!
ReplyDeleteLol. So hah. There. I win! ;P