I feel sick

Molly has made me fell so sick. It's disgusting. She was talking about, eating flies. All the way through Techy and Maths I felt sick, and I coughed a couple of times, and I was scared my lunch would come back up. I might have felt better if it did, and now I still feel sick. THANKS A LOT MOLLY!
I hate it, these couple of days my life has sucked, so badly, worse than ever. This morning in German after the bell rang Sarah was like "Jenny, I was talking to your boyfriend last night on Facebook, he makes no sense," Let me point out some of the things that are not right there. Number one, I don't go out with him (and he doesn't like anyway) so there's no way he could be my boyfriend. He makes no sense, that's very possible, I actually don't think he would ever make any sense, no idea why, I just don't think he would usually make that much sense. Other thing, what's the point? She likes a 4th year too, Jack Harris. Hm, now I know why she and Mila get along so well, they are so similar, and Ranjini even hates them, wow.
And at lunch time, I saw Lewie again, and I don't know why, but now (as in right now) when I think of him I feel like bursting into tears and crying and just curling up and grabbing at my hair. I don't know, I feel so sad, so lonely, and it has nothing to do with the fact that sometimes I actually am alone, it's just the feeling. I'm not really even sure if I am feeling lonely, I'm not sure what I am feeling, I just... I just really miss him... :'( *Sobs* doesn't he... God, I don't even know what I'm wanting to say...
I really haven't been feeling that good for the past few days, and MOLLY hasn't exactly made it any better. I hate my life, life sucks. Love Sucks.

RE SUCKS!

I hate RE! And today we had an RE test on Sikhism and I didn't know because last week I was at the Music Competition thing and I failed! Well I'm don't know that yet but I didn't know a clue on what nthe questions were asking, argh! I just took random guesses. It was out of 100 and if you get less than half I think it was you have to re-sit it. It was something along those lines. And then in Art I was sort of using string to do something, and I cut it because I couldn't do it right. As in I was using the coloured thread to go round the wire that was in the form of a butterfly. You know, doing that. But then after 20 minutes of doing it and not getting anywhere I cut all of it. *Sighs* I can't think of things, I haven't got a creative mind. And basically it hasn't been a very good day for me.
We were in the Library at break because I was going to revise for the Biology test that I didn't do last week because I was at my Music Exam. Yeah... I was revising in the Library in those comfy seats and then I got really annoyed because I couldn't remember anything and chucked my (new) folder on the ground in rage. And... umm.... sort of did that... twice =]. Oh, and Isabella had fangs... That was weird. And then when the bell (didn't) ring I saw Lewie, again. It hasn't been good recently because everytime I just realize that the end of term service will be this week and so it's been a whole term, already. *Tear runs down cheek* I can't believe it, and the Form 4s are at the top left, and 2s on the bottom right. Just like last time, he'll be right there where I can easily see him...
So, in Classics we were watching this Chariot Racing and apparently when they made the film everything was real. So... basically... when you got hurt it was fake, you really actually got hurt. And lots of people were... trampled by the horses after falling off. And somebody was very bloody in the end. Oh, and something was an accident, but it didn't seem like one, and it was sort of funny. See, one of the chariots went right against the spinus I think, and people had to jump to get out of the way, and a chariot was in the way so the horses jumped over it and the person on the chariot was flipped over, though meraculasly he managed to stay on in the end. I don't think it was suppose to be funny but it sort of was =].
Lunchtime we were doing this building thing, sort of competition, and me, Molly and Catherine, we were... *drum roll* The Pigeons of Doom! Lol =]. We were using, something, and we were like the only girls there, and we failed. At least we found out how to use these... whatever they were. Hmmm.... And then nothing else.
But, we had to do the Biology test in the class with everyone doing something else, personally I don't find that really fair because they got peace and quiet when they were doing their exams, and I didn't exaclty miss it on purpous anyway. But it wasn't that bad, but the thing was, at that time the disection of an eye was on *shivers and feels sick* it was disgusting.
Well... after that... I went to get my History folder from Bonar and then, suddenly, when I was about to go and get my bus, I realized I had to go to the Leng Medal rehersal. I tried to run there, but my shoes kept falling off. Great, I hate those shoes, they're one size too big. Hmmm.... Right now really not feeling well. And then tomorrow I'm going to see my brother's concert, which means I have to do all my homework (i.e. copy up on Biology from Jessica's notes) today because I won't have time tomorrow. So, bye!

So over him (the other him!)

You can find out about that later. But first, I have lost my creative flare, I can no longer write poems or stories, or at least I can't be bothered. I can do it when I get into the right pace, so then I'm on a roll! But now I seriously can't be bothered. *Sighs* I can't really be bothered to do anything creative anymore.
Anyway, so today my bag was soooo heavy, I have no idea why. And I have been banned from taking any English books to Chinese school, no fair! I can't read what I want at break, though this seems strangely familiar... In Geography we were watching something about.... something. Then in German we were on the computers and on Linguascope, and the same for French, soooo boring! Oh yeah, in Maths I sat beside Molly and then we got into trouble after break :(. I blame Molly, she drew a line with pen through my jotter, my nice clean maths jotter! So I drew one on hers, but it cut through, but that's better than it being visible, and then we got into trouble. Molly, it's still your fault! I don't know, I hate life, what is it with me? I used to be great in class, i.e. homework in on time, causeing no trouble, etc. But now, I keep forgetting my homework, I do rubbish on my exams and I get into trouble, and many times they weren't even my fault! I've changed so much since Christmas, ask anyone, I'm sure they'll agree. *Sighs* so much for keeping up a good reputation with the teachers and being a good little girl in class. Ugh, I curse this! And I'll tell you who would really agree that I've changed since Christmas, just ask Callum Strachan! I'm even cheeky in class now, and I act like a complete idiot! I didn't even remember which way verticle was. And I critisize everything that doesn't seem that good, everything has something that could be improved, nothing pleases me anymore! What's happening to me?!
After Maths I saw Lewie, and he ignored me, as usual. I hate him! But I don't. I hate him yet I love him! This is not fair! I hate him for ignoring me but I can't help loving him at the same time. It's not fair, he really interests me, everything he does, it sort of fascinates me! I even remember turning my head slighty when he did something, I just can't help it! Right now I hate the world!
On a happier note, Mr Love said I played the Xylophone really well, which was a good thing. But with every good must come a bad. I lost 8 marks on the music listening test, 26/34 and that was 76%, and we needed 85% to get a 1!
Oh yeah, so what I was talking about. I realized I don't even like John, or maybe I don't like him anymore. He was off today and I didn't give a damn. He just used to make me feel better, make me forget, but now I feel I don't need him anymore. I don't care about him anymore, I don't feel anything for him when he's in, I don't feel anything when he's off, and I definitely don't think about him when I don't see him. Yet for Lewie, I do feel these things, like all the time. So yeah, back to only him, again. I wish I could forget about him as well, but no, because like I said, he sort of fascinates me. This sucks. My whole life sucks. And now, I am going to have a nice (attemptful) cheerful chat with Molly about whatever.

Stories

I keep having these stories that I want to write but the problem is I never get the time to do them! And all of the titles are, not exactly cheerful, one is very strange and I've only got one which is normal! Angels Cry, The Sea of Souls, Hybrid, Change of Fate, Kiss of Death, The Forbidden Labyrinth, Forgotten Memories, Forever Nightmare, Golden Keys, The Sea of Souls and Invasion of the Mushrooms. That one is really weird. I never get the time to write these! Noooo..... Well I've finished The Sea of Souls, so I guess that's one down. Ah well.

I feel no more guilt! Halfly

Well this morning I was having a panick attack were I didn't know what to do, so I asked Pallavi, and it didn't go too bad. As in I went through the door from the stairs from the Library upwards, and there were soooo many chairs, but barely anyone. Just a few people scattered about. Phew. All the way through when we were waiting (which we had to do for 45 minutes!) I could hear my heart thumping in my chest and I had to keep wiping my hands on my skirt because they kept sweating. When I went up I had calmed down a bit, or at least I tried to and failed. I think I did pretty well, better than I thought anyway. But I didn't win it, somebody in F3 I think did. And the thinrg was, the only thing I didn't do good was because I 'Played a bit faster' for the judge's liking. Apart from that he said he liked my technic etc. And then everyone else he had more than one improvements for, so I thought, wow, only the fact that I played a little fast, I did quite well. But in the end I didn't get it, that makes no sense! If one person didn't like the speed it doesn't mean anyone else didn't. Seriously. Well then my mum said she thinks I did really well and I should have won the prize (wow, first time my mum ever thought I did better than other people, yay!) and she said everyone clapped longer when I was done (I don't know if that was true, but the aplose certainly held until sometime after I had got back into my seat, when for other people it ended before they got back to their seats (yay! I did something good!). Well I found that my face was boiling hot my my hands were freezing cold. It must have been because of all the sweat. Anyway, so I sort of ran back to class, well RE and Mr Goodey said, "What, did you have to play the Piano while you were running?" don't some people just get the fact that I needed to get back to class and catch up? Jeez. Lol =]. Oh yeah, and I found out the name of the guy who lent me that ruler. He plays the Snare Drums and was in one of the competitions, he's called Cameron Lockheart or something like that. So hah! I feel no more guilt! I do know his name now! Now there's just the other guy, then I will have known the names of all the F4 that are Lewie's friends that talked to me. Yay! No more guilt!
Anyway, so the rest of the day went quite boringly, unless you count me seeing Lewie and his friends. They were sitting outside the doors into the Main Building on the side nearer to Margaret Harris. No fair, that used to be my space, I always sat there in Form 1 :(, that was my space. Blah blah blah, I didn't even do my Biology test because I had to go for my Piano Exam, it didn't go too badly actually, the Examiner was oddly cheerful, well very very cheerful, which made me less nervous, yay!

Never let Molly hit you

Well today firsty, at break I believe, we were in then Library, and Lewie was throwing a bag over the top of a shelf or whatever, and then Molly hit on my left arm, and it really, really, really hurt. So then I went outside with Kirsty, but I wanted to sit outside the Library at the stoney place whatever, but Kirsty didn't want to. And then Lewie came out like 5 seconds later, and I just decided, OK going, and shouted, Kirsty, wait up! And got out of the gates just before Lewie, as in I literally just slipped infront of him, I'm not sure that was a good idea. Blah blah blah then I was talking to Chloe on outside the Main Building where we could sit at the steps, and Lewie was still outside the Library talking to a group of his friends. Blah blah blah and Chloe said something about the Gummy Bear song, and how funny it was. Well I found that out for myself later, and it was the weirdest song I'd ever heard. And then we were talking to Ellis and I think she and Kirsty finally get along. Great, that took forever. And then some time later Lewie went round. Well..... You know I was just reading over all the dreams I've had that I've written on my blog to put on my Blog of Dreams, and I have realized just how great I was able to put my feelings into the text that long ago. I think something about me has changed, I seem to have lost most of my emotions, or at least barely any remain. I think I'm just a bit too scared to say things now, or at least too confuzed. I can't convey my feelings to people any more, and I definitelly can't make them clear in text. How I wish that never happened and I could still write in a way that puts my feelings into the passage.
Well then, tomorrow I've got the Piano Exam and Competition, and I'm soooo nervous. I think I'm going to badly mess it up. Some people have told me I'll be fine and wished me luck, but I wish he would wish me luck. If he did, maybe I'll do really good, I wish he would wish me luck...

I hate stalkers

I really really really really hate stalkers, even if it's not me they're stalking (at least I hope it's not me). No I'm not a stalker! But if you want to say I am one fair enough, I already hate myself anyway. First there was this morning, that guy whatever his name was (I think it was Jack) he sued to be Molly's stalker blah blah blah, and actually never mind him. On the brighter side of things he didn't try to hug me this time. Well basically, it's just that today after school, Liam Harvey stalked me all the way to the Dundee Travel place. Oh my god, I thought he'd finally given up! Seriously. Well that would be like the only reason. But at the same time, I have some good news!
I got a part in Tin Pan Ali! Some people dropped out and now I've got a part! It's a minor part though, but at least I got a part! Besides, I didn't want a major part anyway, doing too much might scare me up on stage. Oh yeah, some bad news, I didn't find that bookmark, no one had handed that in. Ah well, finders keepers loosers weepers I guess. And I'm not even sure I spelt it right. Blah blah blah, bought all I needed, stationary I think they're called, and spent like £17. Who cares, I got to keep the remaining £3 and I need those things for work. I've run out of pens. Blah blah blah, now I have to tell Molly that dream and I'm biding my time till I finish this which will be about now. Bye!

Talk about wishul thinking

Yeah, finally admitting about those sort of wishful thoughts, made me sort of dream about it, sort of. A bit like... I don't know, things I think might have happened if I didn't just go and mess it up! Yeah well, OK it started off as quite a weird dream. Everything was a mixture between Percy Jackson, the school (i.e. Dundee High) and Tibby in the Library. Hey, don't look at me, I can't control what I dream about!
OK started off as I was with Annabeth (I think I was Thalia) and we were going to go see if we could find Luke (the guy who turned evil) and blah blah blah something happened and we had to run, all the way back to the main building and only when we got into the Form 1 locker room were we safe. There was like this magical barrier around it or something that stopped others from getting in. No, I don't get it either. And I had to tell somebody that Luke had turned into a monster (literally) I'm not sure who, I think it was his girlfriend. OK, I'm even confuzing myself, I don't know where all this comes from, I mean this isn't even anything to do with what happened in the book!
So between the Main Building and Margaret Harris, I told her (whoever she was) and then some time or other her friends were there as well and they started laughing (I guess) like the way Sarah and whomever had done when... yeah that time. I turned around and Lewie was coming along the side of the building, beside thee Home Ec. Departement as well, and he smiled and gave me an air kiss, sort of. Well yes, but I thought only girls did that, but it's just the way he did it. I don't know, everything he does is so different, he does it in his own way, not in any way you would have thought, just a different and new way, in a way. (Oh jeez I can't believe I'm putting this on my blog I'm probably going to get hell from you guys)
Anyway, so then we ended up in the Library, at the sort of Checkout point or whatever it's called. The place where you return the books and take the books out, whatever, just there. And on the edge there was a pinkish red pillow and Tibby was on it (don't ask why she was in the Library, she's suppose to be at home) and I was just infront of where the computer should be, except there was no computer. Sitting between me and Tibby were this odd 4th year that I suppose was Lewie's friend, I think it was the guy who lent me the ruler, and (incidentally) Lewie was next to me. They liked Tibby (boys like cats? When was the last time a boy started acting like a 5 year old when they say a cat?) but seeing how it was a dream I suppose it would have been possible. Tibby didn't mind, she just stayed curled up (which she is doing right now on the sofa) and slept away. Then I have no idea what happened next. It's sort of like one of those dreams where something happens then suddenly it just changes to something else, you know, and you don't even realize. Well I was still sitting there but I was looking at something somewhere and I turned around and Tibby was there. I scratched her behind the ear and looked up, and I was really close to Lewie. As in we were like a couple of centimetres apart, and it turned out Tibby was on his lap. So you know, we were like face to face and really close and he looked into my eyes. As in deeply into them it was like he could see my soul or something. Well, being that close to him scared me slightly, I wanted to sit up straight but I couldn't move, and then I woke up.
Typical, couldn't I have woken up some time later? OK, so that was my dream, and I'm sure it only happened because of yesterday, I mean I really haven't dreamt about him in ages. I might have dreams about him, but he's not actually in it. Oh yeah, and then my brother found my bookmark (that I lost yesterday) in my homework diary. The thing is when I woke up this morning everything felt so real, and then I realized it wasn't, it couldn't be, and then I checked in my homework diary anyway. It wasn't there.
And I also had this dream on Wednesday that sort of frightened me, but it wasn't scary, it's just because it seemed like something that could really happen. Well basically it's just that where ever I go, Lewie's friends (mainly that guy who lent me that ruler) who seemed to appear everywhere kept looking at me with the sort of grin on their faces, like a smirk I suppose. It was scary, because everywhere I went they'd be there and do that, and I it wasn't hard to guess why. This is all because the 'Ruler Lender' guy did that to me one day when I was up at the Music Departement and he was going down and he kept turning back just to grin at me like that. All his fault. *Shivers* that dream was disturbing.

Wishful Thinking

OK, I hate wishful thinking. Maybe that doesn't really makes sense, wishes are something you like, but I sort of wish these to be true but I believe that there is no way they could be and it's just so annoying I hate it. OK, let me start on why I'm talking about this, but first, did you know that I found out where Lewie's regi class was? That was a complete accident, I swear! It was last Thursday and we were sitting in French and he came in and said "Sorry, left my bag during regi" ask Emily, she'll tell you! Right? So there, accident!
Anyway so today I went to the Library at lunch time and missed Chess because I had a lot of stuff to do, i.e. overdue Chemistry homework and The Listeners Critical Essay for tomorrow. Well I walked in and I had barely passed through the door when Lewie looked me in the eye, smiled and nodded like he always used to do. Well it was more like on of those, like instead of nodding it's more like your head going up, so a bit like the opposite of nodding but not shaking. OK that makes no sense, but it's sort of what he does to register the fact the he knows you're there. Well I don't know, he does that to me anyway. So, that sort of nod, looked me in the eye and smiled. Just like he did ages ago, it was like nothing ever happened, because he wasn't ignoring, he registered the fact that I was there and showed it. Bad thing was, I blushed and looked at the ground, so I went and sat at the table. Strange thing that on Thursday lunch time there's barely anyone in the Library, I think too many things happen on Thursday, like Training Band and Chess etc. So anyway, went to sit at the table, and I overheard (yes overheard! I was not eavesdropping!) his friends saying something about me, the problem was, they were being too quiet, damnit. (No, still overheard, not eavesdropping!) And they got up and went to the section with the Religion books and whatever. Great.
So the thing I've been thinking for ages is, why is it he notices me when his friends aren't around and shows it, but when he's with his friends it's like I don't exist? I seriously don't get it. That's what it feels like, because that's how it's been for ages. I'd love to think it's because his friends think that it's better for him to forget me, ignore me, whatever, for some odd reason or other. I don't know! Remember, wishful thinking and I hate it! I know these things could never be true, but that's how it seems, just, I must be imagining things. I must be...

Why are these sort of books always right?

OK, don't you just hate it when there is a book and it sort of tells you strange things that seem to happen? Well there was one that said, "Isn't it just strange how you seem to meet your crush on the day when your hair needs washing, or..." something or other. Well I needed to wash my hair today, and guess what, well yes that. We were waiting outside Techy and Lewie was taking the yellow slip thing to the office, and he smiled at me (first time in a loooooong time) but all I really did was hide my face =].
OK then, blah blah blah, had the Geography test, yes, it's been so busy these past few days. Monday History test, Tuesday Biology Test, today Geography test. It went terrible, I didn't even know where California was! Oh God, my Geography really sucks. Then in PE I did a head stand! Sort of. I fell forwards and the second time I went forwards then sort of went back, so my neck cracked, it was painful =]. OK don't really know why there's a smilie there, but hey, it's me. Blah blah, nothing else really. I can't even remember why I'm writing, but I know there's reason, no, not that reason! Umm... after school I went with Erin to help her choose a birthday present for Catherine, did you know Catherine doesn't actually even know her own birthday? Anyway, Erin took ages, and I thought I was bad at making desicions, yes Erin, you done yet, or are you still at Accessorize? Well the good thing is, because I ran, I managed to catch my bus! And then boring boring boring, done one homework, making a start on the Critical Essay for Friday, god I'm doomed. Oh well, cya! Good night people!

I curse last Friday

Damnit, I curse last Friday. Well sort of, in a way I curse it, yet I don't, argh! Curse this! Since stupid Friday when I talked to John and didn't lie about the bus, I've been telling the truth! Well, no lies anyway. Ever since Friday, I haven't lied once, and it's so annoying!!!!!!! And now I'm just going to see how I'm going to survive tomorrow, because I forgot my History stuff, so I can't revise or do my conclusion! Both for tomorrow! Aaaaahhhhh!!!!! I'm just hoping Miss McKie will off, because I never forget my homework, it's always in on time, and I really don't want to hand this in late, but I'll have to. Because some people *glares at Molly* apparently has too much of a life to live so they *glares at her again* couldn't be bothered to just give me single simple piece of information. I think I gave that person enough directions. Near the back, so start from the back. It's at the bottom and on the page that's the left page. Does that not sound clear? One single piece of information, it'll only take a couple of minutes. If it was one of my friends who'd forgotten their stuff they needed for homework I would gladly help them, unlike somebody *glares in that direction again*. What? Am I just to kind and helpful or something? What the fuck is wrong with helping somebody who does actually need your help? So, should I stop doing this? Does me being helpful just backfire on myself? Let's see. I helped Zara with her speech, she got through but I didn't. I felt sorry for Ronan last year when he didn't do his Chemistry homework so I let him copy, I got into trouble. Hmm.... anything else I might add? I try to help Kirsty but then I get shouted at. I try to act normal and cheer up people's lives, I get shouted at! I tell the truth, I get blamed! I try to suggest something good, I get shouted at for doing that! Is there anything that I do where I don't get shoutted at? I try to make people see sense, stop an argument, but I get told to stay out of it! I try to make then see from each other's point of view, or go for the one that makes more sense, I still get snapped at! I stick up for people, but then they don't stick up for me, and they're the ones who are teasing me! I would help anyone and then my best friend can't even be bothered to help me! Does everyone in this world hate me or something? This whole cursed world hates me? The stupid Fates just make everything good I do backfire on me! When was the last time something good came to me, when? Somebody tell me, when? Give me a time when I was nice and it didn't end up bad for me! Isn't there anything in this world that I can rely on? Anything? Anyone? That actually sees sense? Fine, stupid life isn't fair, but can't the people who you're nice to at least try to be nice to you, instead of doing the complete opposite? Life isn't fair but at least humans can try to be! I hate this world, I hate it when I help people and no good comes out for me! I hate it! And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm just going to go back to reading a book.

Oh God I can't believe I did that

OK then, I really really can't believe I did that. So, I came out of the Overgate and I was going to go get my bus, though I didn't really see the point of getting it that early, but then I saw John waiting for his bus, and I don't know why I did it, but 1st I waved at him and he mouthed hi, and then, I just went over there and sort of started talking to him. Sort of. Then it was just like this awkward silence, and he started looking in his homework diary and I sort of just stood there then felt stupid and put my stuff into my bag, I took some time doing that. I also had the feeling that he probably thought I was waiting for a bus, and I was so right. Anyway, I felt a bit uneasy, and I just said, "So... have you got your mum a Mothers' Day Present?" "Umm... yeah, it's at home" I began to say "Yeah, I sort of forgot, so..." then trailed off with this nervouse giggle. Then there was silence until he went "The bus is late! Oh no, it's not" He was on his phone see, and it was 15 minutes fast, and when he looked at the display screen it wasn't even 4 yet. Then the sort of clock on the Church rang, and I said "Well now it's 4, you probably should change the time on your phone". Then came the silence again, until I was like, "So... on Wednesday in Techy, did you actually jsut sit there and let Heather do everything?" Apparently he did, his reply was, "Yeah, it's just working with Heather... Doesn't work" And then I asked if he just let Andrew do all the work usually and then copy, well he does sometimes. And then it was just into the conversation on how annoying Heather was, and I said that I had to work with her last year in Techy, and she wouldn't actually let me do anyway. "Ooohh, I was with Akdas" We finally managed to have a conversation! Hold on, why am I so happy? Anyway, then it was how annoying it was that Heather always seemed to expect people to feel sorry for her and how she expects me to no her timetable, which in a way I do, I know everybody's, cause it's not that hard to work out. That's what I told John anyway, at least it was true. I told him about the time where Heather got a text from her mum and suddenly she was like "Oww, my eyes!" or that's what I heard anyway, it was funny. "She's probably going to be kicked out next year. She's already missed like 100 days of school" Well it was true. I said, "Yay, that'll be good for all of us. I mean, besides, she never comes to school anyway, she misses everything. Like the HPV Vaccines (I hope that's what they are, because that's what I said) and all her tests, she was suppose to do her Music test today," John totally agreed with me.
Well then, then came the stupid part, I asked him if he was waiting for his bus. How stupid is that? We're at a bus stop, and I ask him if he's waiting for a bus, that is just so stupid of me! I think I was sort of panicking a little. So after he said yes I quickly tried to cover it up by asking "Which bus are you getting?" He was getting 78C. "Does it only come like once every hour or something?" "Yeah, though I think it might be once every two hours, the bus to Monikie only comes like 4 times a day." Wow, that is a long time! "Ahh, so if you missed this one, you'd be here for like the rest of the day" So, then came the part I was sort of dreading. "Are you waiting for the 39?" I gave the most stupid answer yet, "No, I'm just bored and standing here talking to you, because my bus doesn't come for a long time, only once an hour. See, it used to come into Dundee but then they said Angus wasn't part of Dundee and it wouldn't be allowed back into Dundee, so I sort of have to get two buses. One to Tesco or Ninewells Hospital and then from there home." When I finished I realized and thought Oh shit, I should so not have said that. I really should have lied and said I was waiting for the 39, he would probably have thought me weird or something along those lines, but I didn't feel like lying, that thought didn't even come into my head, oh God. Then his bus came and I sort of spluttered, "See you on Monday, have a nice Weekend, Bye!" And turned and walked away, God, I can't believe I did that, think I panicked, and it just came out like that! The last thing I saw was him smiling at me and the I sort of just dissapeared around the corner. And the worst thing is, I never actually say "Have a nice weekend" to anyone, never! Maybe occasionally when I'm in a good mood, but otherwise, never! Oh God.
Great, and the thing is, I was actually quite upset in a way and annoyed at myself because lately I seemed to be failing in everything I did, but when I started talking to John, all that faded and I was feeling so happy. Ah just great, just great isn't it? The other thing is, when I left I kept looking at the bus he was on, because it was still there. I began to feel sad. Oh my God. And the thing is, then I started blabbing it to Emily, and yes Emily! Now you've got the full story without that bad sound of when I was on the bus! Ah jeez. Right now, I hate my life, and my feelings.

Number 1 on my Hate list

Yes, I absolutely hate getting my hair cut, I mean my fringe of course, my mum always cuts it too short, too short for my liking anyway. If it was actually my hair, I'd scream, because it's very long and I want to keep it that way. Anyway then, I didn't get through into the finals for the Public Speaking, no surprises there. And then I saw Lewie, and I stopped listening to Molly. It was a bit like yesterday when I passed him, I sort of trailed off into nothing, and that's more noticable than not listening to someone. OK then, in German is when my day started getting to bad. Want me to define bad? Well, you know how Mila told Sarah and Ray that I fancy a 4th year, well now she's told Sarah who I actually fancy. Ellis was sort of making fun of Sarah for liking a guy in 4th year called Jack, and I was tempted to join in, but I stopped myself, because I knew it would just backfire. So I stuck up for her, I said, "Leave her alone," but then she was going to say who I fancied, so I put my hand over her mouth, good thing is it shut her up. If only I'd known at that time that nothing would help me.
Well, skipping Maths and break and everything, then.... hmm... nothing interesting in Music either. Alright, lunch time. I was walking to the pillars with Molly and I saw Lewie comming, and I stopped and thought, OK I want to go back the way I came, but in the end I went forward anyway, but that's when Molly said, "Why are they looking at us?" It was a group with Sarah in it, and when I passed she said, "There goes your boyfriend" If only. But I told her to shut up, I said Hand die Clappe, which I assumed meant 'shut up' in German, but I'm not sure anymore. Blah blah blah, sort of meant I was in a bad mood in Music. Then in French, Henry waved and said hi to me and Shan (I think that's how you spell her name) was saying that she liked my hair. Well, seeing how I usually kept to myself and everything, I thought, oh God, they've probably head, this is not good. But I just went back to my work. In the end Mrs Spowert (I think) said I was the only person who did what I was told and got on with my work, yay! I guess. Anyway, then came the good part, everyone was picking on Jamie Clark and in the end he started crying, yay! Yes, I know, I shouldn't be making fun of him, but he brought it upon himself. Anyway, then in English we were playing the games we made up, it was fun! But ours was apparently the most confuzing...
Anyway then, after school I went to buy my mum her Mothers' Day Present. But before that Liam asked me to Macdonalds, great, why won't he just give it a rest? I half felt like saying "Sure, whatever, cya there," then he'd probably say something like "Really" and my answer would be "Nope", with the 'p' being very 'p' ish, you know what I mean, poppy. Anyway, so I spent over £10, £10.19 to be exact =] I think... So it was 10 bars of chocolate from Thorntons, costing £6 all together. And then a card from Clintons, costing £3.30, and also a purple pen for myself (maybe) and the money was to help aid people with Cancer, I mean I can't exactly say no to that, can I? Well I suppose I can, but it's helping people, so that's good, right? Anyway, then after that something else happened, something that I'm going to put in another entry because it might just be a bit long.

I want to do this, yet I don't

OK, right now, I want to write my blog, yet I don't want to, don't know why. OK then quick update on the last couple of days. Ummm.... on Wednesday, in Techy Araminta used Tip-Ex and wrote J2 on my hand, and it was all Erin and Emily's idea. Yes, I'm talking about you two! And oh yeah, in PE, we were doing backward rolls off the high thingy thing, it was scary! OK then, yesterday Mrs Vannet was starting on about the Facebook thing again in Assembly, God, boring! I started dozing off, well when she started I just lent back in my seat and prepared to doze off. Zzzzz..... Then she said she Tweets, you know, Twitter, maybe it should be Twits, no, doesn't have the same affect. Well, let's just say everyone burst out laughing, which was saying something seeing how we were just being shouted at, sort of. Hmmm..... nothing else interesting really. Ummm.... oh, I went onto the Percy Jachson Website, and I got all these different powers. Zeus, Poseidon, Hades, Medusa, and Grover. Well.... Zeus = Lightning, Poseidon = Water, Hades = Fire, Medusa = Turned things to stone and Grover, well.... Bleats and eats things.....
Anyway, I finished the last Percy Jackson book, Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian, that one. See, I'm sort of reading back to front, reading Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Labyrinth, don't ask me why, I just can't get the other books yet. Oh, I always hate it when books end when you know something else great could happen, but it would be a completely different story. You know, how there was the prophecy:
A half-blood of the eldest Gods,
Shall reach sixteen against all odds,
And see the world in endless sleep,
A hero's soul, cursed blade shall reap.
A single choice shall end his days,
Olympus to preserve or raze.
Yes, you get told what it means at the end, and I find it really annoying that in the end there's another prophecy:
Seven half-bloods shall answer the call,
To storm of fire the world must fall.
An oath to keep with a final breath,
And foes bear arms to the Doors of Death.
OK, and then the book just ends, you don't know what will happen! Argh!!!!!!!! I want to know what happens! There should be another book but I'm guessing after all that, they writer would have run out of ideas, but still, argh! Oh, and the same goes for Harry Potter and Interview with the Vampire. I mean, for that one, all you know is that the boy is now off to find Lestat, and, well actually, hmmm.... Oh well.
Anyway then, to today. Oh hold on, and yesterday, at lunchtime. See, I was going to Chess, and Liam Harvey just tried to ask me out (this joke is getting seriously annoying) and he just when I said no and tried to walk away he just kept running up to me and shouting "Jenny, we really need to talk" and he asked why I wouldn't go out with him I just said because I didn't want to. And he kept asking and finally just said "It's because I'm always late isn't it?" Argh! At least I could avoid him at Chess, OK, I am finally freaking out! Right then, and I lost to King in Chess, and playing someone else who take forever to make a move, OK, so he's being on the safe side, and besides, I thought I took forever until I played him yesterday, God. And at... break I think it was, I saw Lewie in the Library, it's been a long time. Well not really, he's been in the Library once in a while. Oh yeah, and then when we were going down to the PE buses, I saw him again, and it's the first time in a while since I've actually seen his eyes, as in clearly, they're sooooo blue and.... beautiful....
OK then, to today, apparently Liam shoved Mark into a wall, cool, he deserves it, sort of.... Anyway, and then in Maths we were doing a Chinese Crossword again =]. Numbers and such, I love it when I beat Andrew Kelly, and that's the best. When Mrs Oliver mentioned Chinese Crossword everyone just moaned and looked at me, and I was just like "What?" lol, and Jack tried to copy off me, Rogers. Then there was this other puzzle, I finally got it, when the bell rang! Oh, and I'm still criticizing Jack on everything he does, lol, it's so funny. He's getting really annoyed =]. Then in Music, we had a Listening tes, John wanted to copy off me. Then I had to move somewhere else, and I have jsut realized I might have made some huuuuge mistakes. When we were going down to lunch John was pretending to be annoyed at me for moving away, and then blah blah blah. Then lunchtime, we were on the pillars and before that, when we were going through the corridor, Lewie was there, we passed him twice, and everytime Molly just started mumbling, not helping! OK then, when we went back up to music, we were on the keyboards, and I was.... never mind. Then, in English, we say our Drama thing, finally! And we saw some from other classes, oh my God I was laughing my head off at one of them, ours. Ray jsut went "Gah!" and apparently died, lol, oh God. And then we got our Vampire Handbooks back, she didn't see my name, but apparently mine was really good! =] And then, I missed the bus so I walked home, it wasn't so bad, felt quite relaxing actually.

I'm... blushing?

Well first let's start with yesterday. I was in Bell after school because I sort of had a craving for chocolate and I was thirsty. And oh, guess what, Lewie was there. Aaaand.... I sort of banged into him, I really need to look where I'm going, damnit. Anyway, then today I saw him in the Library in the morning, saw him with a group (very very very large group) of friends, at lunch time when I was on the pillars and Molly was in the Library. Then, oh yeah, break, should have put this before, but at break I went up to the music departement right, one one Lewie's friend, i.e. the one from who I borowed the Ruler off of in the Library a long time ago, well him. I saw him and he kept looking back up at me with this sort of weird, smirk I guess, on his face. Every few steps he'd look back at me like that, and I'm just thinking, oh God, this is nooooot good, time to get out of sight, and well, hid behind the door. Then Kirsty gave me a fright by tapping me on the shoulders.
Anyway, other things today, oh God, that noise slightly scares me, I get the horrible feeling I might have done something wrong. Yeah, right now I'm "Ripping" music from one of my CDs, oh God I thought it meant something else. Anyway, back to the thing, well actually nothing really. But I did accidentally go to Art instead of the Library second period, I was suppose to have RE in the Library and Molly was scaring me and I got confuzed and thought I had to go to Art, that was embarissing. Anyway, then at break right, I went up to the music departement to sign up for the Gold Leng Medal, blah blah blah. Oh yeah, then in English we had to do a Critical Essay on the play Dracula, and everyone was panicking, because we usually got more time than that. The good thing is I wrote 4 pages and finished it on time, feeewwww.... Oh, and Jack Cannon already did it at home and just copied it during English, not fair! And so cheating. Yes! It's finished and the CD didn't disintegrate! Oh, hold on, I see a couple of scratches, ah well. Anyway, oh, hold on, it was just a strand of hair from my frindge that fell onto it, lol. Anyway, then tonight I went up for the Leng Medal rehearsals, I'm doing Dark Island, the words are different from what I learned, great. And I was the only one up there, and something went wrong with my voice. Typical, just at the right moment. Anyway, then I somehow managed to catch my bus, well it was late, and the other bus was late as well.... hmmmm..... Oh, then I went to ask Mrs Glenn if I could get some help on the Public Speaking Competition Speech, 'All that Glisters is not Gold' well that's good. Oh yeah, and when I was waiting for the bus I saw Mrs Spinks. And blah blah blah, Mrs Glenn is going to help me with it this Thursday, and that's it.