And back comes depression

Aaaaaand once again I am beginning to feel depressed. Again. Because of this stupid dream! And stupid stupid and everything in this world is just stupid and I feel like crying. I hate him I hate him I hate him do I hate him? It is so not fair!!!
Molly says I don't really like him and I'm just basically obsessed and not seeing the real thing blah blah. I find that out. I'm not obsessed with him. I don't feel that way about him. Yes I'm free! Not. DAMNIT! Basically I've made about a list of 50 pages in my head on why he's not perfect blah blah. His positive sides, just reaching half a page. So... DAMN! So why the bloody hell do I still feel for him? He's- I- GAH! So what if I really do love him and am going to forever? Cause that would just suck and it would be the worst ever! Or to use Molly's words, unrequited love blah blah. I actually had to look that up in the dictionary. But GOD DAMNIT! And I do not care if I curse God and he could just well go and stuff it! Maybe I could kill Eros instead... that might help more. Oh whatever if you have no idea go search it up on google.
STUPID! Still the bloody same when I catch his eye, but it's- it's just- hmph. And I can still really stupidly and annoying tell which direction he's in and right now for some really absurd reason I'm thinking to my right.
So why the heck do I still like him when I was sure that I didn't anymore and didn't think of him as being that great? He didn't even get a huge list of what's good about him! Even Michael gets more.
And it's really stupid because I had a dream yesterday night and basically the first time I've dreamt of him since like my last post somewhere far back about him. I saw him somewhere at a turn, with his friends, and laughing, and it was near a road, but then everywhere else was plants and trees and grass... And I was on the bus and I saw him, and he caught my eye, just for a second... Then I was lost, somewhere in the wooods, but the sun was shining through and everything was so bright and light and green and beautiful. Not a dark forest you'd often imagine, but a really nice one... I was lost but I heard laughter, and I just slowly used that as a way to guide me out, but I wasn't running or anything... It was nice...
Then suddenly I was in the Library, and he was there, laughing.
And guess what? He was bloody in the library today. GAH!
Man when I get depressed all my emotions just come out. I'm depressed, so I want to cry, and then I get so annoyed! And then I just remember something and I'm just drifting away and my eyes fill with tears and then...
And today was just... I also saw him after History, which was period 2. And now...
Now I'm just bloody drifting back to the state I was one year ago! All I'm hoping is it helps me with getting back to writing my story again.
And incidentally remember that poems that went along the lines of
Two whole years when you’ve had me seduced,
Where I’ve been love struck and thought of nothing but you.
But now I’m free and my heart mine again,
And trust me when I say, I’ll never fall for you again.
Or at least that's part of it.
Well, note that when you scroll down there is actually an 'I think' there. I suppose I must have known somewhere deep inside me then.
Well.
So much for being over him.